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If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, consider yourself given a valuable gift: a break for privacy. It’s worth taking advantage of it and learning things that will make life brighter.
1. Understand yourself better and see what you truly value.
When you’re with your partner, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions are focused on maintaining the relationship. You make common plans and think about the interests of the couple as a whole. In such a situation, you may not pay attention to your own priorities and not notice when they become different.
Sometimes there is simply not enough time to listen to your thoughts, immerse yourself in emotions and understand what is important for you at this stage of life.
Loneliness, or living solo, is a great time to get to know your current self better.
That is, understand what will be valuable to you now – both in relationships and in life in general.
For example, previously the main thing was that a loved one could support any of your adventures without talking or asking unnecessary questions. You saw acceptance and trust in it. And you were happy if on Friday evening it occurred to you that it would be nice to go somewhere for the weekend, and a couple of hours later you were already sitting in the car and booking online accommodation in Novgorod or Suzdal – where you can relax and take a walk in the beautiful places.
And now long intimate conversations are more important to you. Or walks together, when you can hold hands and not talk about anything.
You can also reconsider your life priorities. For example, in the past you were required to go on a trip every year. And now, having listened to yourself, you discovered: you want to stay at home and do something completely new. For example, become a volunteer or start actively learning an unfamiliar language.
It’s worth being in solitude to hear yourself. And it is better to understand what you want both from life and from relationships in the future.
2. Build your life the way you like
The previous paragraph talked about strategic goals and important life values, and this one talks about daily routine.
A couple, as a rule, has a single way of life. It is often based on compromises: partners prepare dishes that both like, play music that does not irritate either of them.
But if no one lives in the apartment except you, you can only follow your own rules.
For example, have ice cream with berries for dinner. Walk around the apartment in only underwear or without it at all. On weekends, turn on hard rock or your favorite ethnic music in the morning and not be afraid of waking anyone up. Or vice versa: sleep almost until lunch, and then go to the nearest cafe. Or maybe make delicious cheesecakes that you haven’t made for a thousand years because your previous partner couldn’t stand cottage cheese.
It is worth listening to your desires and body signals. And understand how to arrange your life so that you feel comfortable. You may discover needs you never knew existed. Or they just forgot a long time ago. Living solo is a great time to take care of yourself.
3. Train mindfulness
Often, in a state of loneliness, a feeling of emptiness appears. And then dark thoughts come. Long-forgotten experiences emerge in the mind, fragments of old dialogues arise, and former grievances and traumas are remembered. This process is probably familiar to anyone who has been left alone.
In such a situation, you should not try to drown out all these internal voices with something from the outside – TV series, social networks, alcohol. It is better to try to understand emotions, experience and let go of old grievances.
Meditation and various mindfulness practices can help with this. But if it becomes really difficult, you should consult a psychologist.
4. Look for new hobbies and plan time for creativity
When a person is left alone, he often discovers that now he has a lot, even too much free time. It seems that the whole world is busy with something interesting and everyone around is happy. And all he can do is feel sad and bored.
But boredom, according to psychologists, is an emotion that encourages a person to look for something new – something that will help him feel alive.
So, it’s worth starting the search. You can remember all the hobbies that you have ever wanted to do. And try them one after another. For example, enroll in a vocal studio. If after class you feel uplifted and light, you can continue. And if it turns out that singing doesn’t inspire you, you can learn to dance the rumba, paint with oils, or play the guitar.
It is important that you don’t need to explain to anyone why, after the first vocal lesson, you don’t go to the second one.
And no one will reproach you for frivolity and lack of understanding of your own desires – there is no one to reproach. And you understand your needs right now, and this process will take exactly as much time as you need.
The main thing is not to strive to immediately become a professional in your chosen field. It’s better to just look for activities that help you experience maximum positive emotions – the joy of creativity, inspiration, pride from small but significant results. A new hobby will help you see life from an unfamiliar angle and will delight you for a long time.
5. Find new friends
A lonely person often thinks that everyone around him is meeting, making plans, and enjoying communication. They finally need each other. Everyone except him. It’s really sad if he broke up with his partner and also lost his old friends. Yes, that happens too. After all, coming to an old company and meeting your ex or ex is not the most pleasant thing. Therefore, a person can cut off any previous ties.
Even if everything is not so sad and you have friends and good acquaintances, the absence of a romantic relationship can cause a feeling of abandonment and uselessness. So it’s time to make new acquaintances.
The easiest way to do this is by taking up a new hobby. Among people who are passionate about the same thing as you, it is easier to find like-minded people. For example, you can look for seasonal sports clubs, take part in hiking or kayaking – any activity where you can meet interesting people. It is very likely that over time you will make new friends, and maybe love.