1. Cheating always ruins relationships.
It would be more accurate to say that cheating makes a relationship different because it causes complex emotions in one or both partners and a sense of loss. Someone who has been cheated on may feel pain due to the loss of trust and security, and obsessively replay the scenario of their loved one’s affair in their head. The one who cheated often feels guilty. However, this does not necessarily mean that the couple will eventually break up or the relationship will deteriorate.
As psychologists note, sometimes after betrayal partners can get even closer. But it won’t happen magically. Both people must be focused on restoring the relationship and prepared for the fact that it simply won’t happen. You will have to work with the problem, including going through unpleasant feelings, difficult conversations, and so on.
However, this also does not mean that the expression “A good leftist strengthens the marriage” is so viable. Firstly, it is assumed that the betrayal remains a secret. Secondly, infidelity is still is popular cause of divorce.
2. Infidelity is always both people’s fault.
There can be dozens of reasons for a one-time betrayal or an affair. For example:
- loss of feelings of attachment to a partner;
- imbalance of partners’ contribution to the relationship;
- ineffective communication;
- unresolved issues such as fear of intimacy or avoidance of conflict;
- physical health problems;
- mental health disorders including depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder;
- various types of addictions;
- stressful periods;
- personal dissatisfaction and low self-esteem;
- anger for a partner;
- falling in love with another person;
- desire for variety in sex;
- alcohol intoxication;
- revenge.
And it also happens that people cheat simply because they can: without any reason.
As can be seen from the list, sometimes the second partner is actually somehow involved in the situation, but often he is not involved at all.
In any case, when it comes to the reasons for infidelity, it is important to share blame and responsibility in a timely manner. The latter is always on the one who cheated, it is his or her choice. In case of, say, misunderstanding or crisis, a lot of things could be done: talk, break up, go to a psychologist. But a person decides to have an affair on the side; no one forces him to do so. Talking about “the fault of both” blurs this responsibility.
3. People usually cheat with strangers.
A common plot in films: the hero goes to a bar, drinks, meets someone and wakes up in the morning in someone else’s bed with a headache and a feeling of guilt. In practice more often sex on the side occurs with someone whom the person knows well. Moreover, before getting intimate, people test the waters: they correspond, exchange photos, and so on.
4. In a new relationship, a person will not cheat.
This myth is common among those with whom they cheated: “He (she) was just unhappy, but this will not happen to me, he (she) will definitely be faithful to me.” This also happens. But in general, the statistics on this matter are not very optimistic. Probability of betrayal 3.5 times higher for people who have done this before. However, those who actually crossed the line only once also exist.
5. People who are dependent on their partner do not cheat.
This refers to economic dependence. There is an opinion that a person who does not earn anything himself and lives at the expense of his partner should be more faithful. After all, outside of relationships it will be difficult for him. In fact, the opposite is true: such people cheat more often. Moreover, a financially dependent man is more prone to infidelity than a dependent woman.
There is also interesting data for a more financially successful partner. While a man’s income is less than 70% of the family budget, the more he earns, the more confident he is. And after reaching this level, it is again easier to commit treason. A woman who receives more than her partner is more faithful regardless of her income.
6. Men cheat more often than women.
Let’s put it this way: it’s not exactly a myth, men are a little more active in their infidelity, but the gap between the sexes not very significant. It is also worth considering that such data is usually obtained from surveys, so you have to rely on the honesty of the respondents. And women may have a harder time admitting to cheating because of societal expectations.
Under the age of 34, approximately the same number of men and women report infidelity. The difference begins to increase among older people and becomes more statistically significant over the years. For example, in the group from 20 to 29 years old, 11% of men and 10% of women cheat. In their eighties – 26% of men and 13% of women. Although this may be due not so much to age as such, but to the fact that people belong to different generations who hold different views on the issue of fidelity.