What’s happened
One of the users of the social network X (formerly Twitter) wrotethat he hid his LEGO collection before his girlfriend’s visit so that she would not consider him an infantile geek.
And this sparked a heated discussion. Some users started defend your right to a hobby and its demonstration. Because the attitude of a potential partner towards figurines, books, dolls and so on shows whether there are two people along the way or not.
Others began to condemn collecting, and the presence of non-standard hobbies in general. And for various reasons: some considered this a red flag, others argued that the collection spoils interior, and therefore should end up in a landfill.
In general, the people are traditionally divided into two camps, and we will try to look for the grain of truth in all this.
Should you be ashamed of your hobby?
You’ve probably noticed that some hobbies are generally frowned upon in society. Especially if you have ever been interested in something relatively uncommon (relatively, because literally everything has thousands of fans and any hobby is still rather popular). Such activities are perceived as such stupidity for young people.
Collecting, historical re-enactments, loving BTS, social dancing are all acceptable while you’re a teenager. If you are older, others may look at you askance. Well, the relationship should put an end to all this. Because a hobby is considered something that you use to replace the only important thing that everyone should strive for: marriage. And then that’s it, it’s time to become a serious adult.
Of course, there are socially approved hobbies, and they are most often gender-based. This is, for example, fishing for men. But you just need to behave “decently” – go to the river and drink there with friends. And if someone collects a collection of spinning rods and jigs, then people may start making fun of him.
One of the reasons why people are in no hurry to build relationships lies precisely in this stereotype: family replaces everything, so choose what is more important to you – everything or family. It’s as if adult family life isn’t made for fun.
It’s time to stop putting up with this. An adult has the right to any hobby as long as it remains within the law and does not cause suffering to anyone. Moral torment over the fact that someone has fun when others do not allow themselves to do so does not count.
You can pursue your hobbies and have the right to demonstrate your hobbies, including to your partner. Especially your partner. Matching is important in romantic relationships. Love that overshadows the mind is, of course, good. But we still choose a person with whom we will be comfortable. And of course, we have to get used to it and make some compromises. And therefore it is better to agree on many points at the start – this way it will be easier to adapt to each other.
The partner is not obliged to share our hobby and be interested in it at the same level. But initial discontent and prohibitions clearly will not lead to anything good.
Hobbies are not a replacement for relationships, but they are an equally important part of life. They bring us joy. They are, among other things, what makes us the people we are. For example, many drama lovers start learning Korean or Chinese. Cosplayers learn to model and sew clothes, and do makeup. That is, we acquire our qualities and become attractive not in spite of our hobbies, but because of them.
Disliking each other’s favorite activities also says a lot. A hunter and a conservationist are unlikely to get along. And this is not a matter of hobbies, but of ideological differences.
So there’s clearly no point in being ashamed of your hobby and hiding it because you might be judged. Showing it to a potential partner is an additional way to understand whether a person is right for you or not.
When a hobby can become a problem for a relationship
So far everything has sounded optimistic, but now let’s assess the situation from the position of a potential partner. To begin with: yes, you may not like someone’s hobby. But this is not a reason to try to change someone, but a reason to look for someone else.
However, even if we respect another person’s right to their passion, we may encounter, if not red, then at least pink flags.
When you are forced to share someone else’s hobby
It happens that a loved one likes something completely different from what you like. This is normal, in relationships people do not stick together like dumplings. They are quite capable of going about their business separately. But if you are strongly required to share other people’s interests, are ridiculed because you confuse “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” or do not know and do not want to know the names of all the heroes of a computer game, if you are called stupid just because that you don’t accept the greatness of Dune is not a healthy situation.
You may be interested in all this, but you don’t have to. Your partner has the right to do what interests him, you don’t have to know anything about it.
When your own passion is not respected
All hobbies are equal, but some are sometimes more equal. And if a partner puts his hobby on a pedestal, and ridicules or belittles yours, this is definitely a warning sign. Moreover, he talks not so much about a hobby, but about mutual respect.
In general, it doesn’t matter what your partner does and what you do—these are equivalent hobbies. No, it won’t be better for you to do something else instead of what you like. Yes, you can spend your money on hobbies. What you do makes sense to you, and that’s what matters most.
When a hobby is higher on your priority list than you think is reasonable
It is no coincidence that such an ornate formulation is used here. Prioritization is a matter of agreement. For example, if it is normal for both you and your partner that he can suddenly take off on Friday evening and disappear for the entire weekend, everything is fine. If you are not happy with this, but your partner continues to do this, it will be difficult for you. If you are ready to eat pasta for a week because all the money was spent on a rare figurine for his collection, advice and love. If not, then, accordingly, no.
But such controversial issues need to be discussed. The attitude “You must respect my hobby, I have the right to it” does not work by default, especially when it comes to joint leisure or a common budget. Hobbies are an important part of life. But if you are much lower on your partner’s list of priorities, one day you may feel very sad.
Think about yourself 💖
