Fears and doubts in relationships are natural. But sometimes such experiences become so frequent that they interfere with creating a healthy atmosphere in a couple. People who are anxious about relationships are not confident in their stability, even if there are no problems. However, anxiety can be mild or very severe, occur constantly or depending on circumstances, but in any case it affects everyday life.
How anxiety can manifest itself in relationships
People who are prone to anxiety have a hard time accepting relationships at face value. They too often analyze the actions of their partner and their own, and also constantly seek confirmation of feelings from a loved one and may even believe that without him they are “nobody.”
Of course, anxiety can arise only in certain circumstances. For example, in the presence of your partner’s family members or when meeting his exes. Moreover, if anxiety is caused by internal fears, and not by the provoking behavior of a loved one, such as constant flirting with others, then, most likely, the issue is an intrapersonal rather than an interpersonal conflict.
It is very important to have a clear understanding of personal boundaries and mutual expectations. When partners understand each other’s needs and preferences well, anxiety in their relationship is unlikely to appear or will be very weak.
In addition, some anxiety for a number of reasons may arise at the stage of acquaintance and first dates, which is completely normal, given the factor of the unknown. Healthy relationships, including new ones, allow partners to discuss any worries and fears. Even so, open dialogue can be somewhat unnerving, especially for those who are not used to having open conversations about their experiences. Such anxiety usually disappears as trust is built between partners. But if it doesn’t go away after months or even years into the relationship, it’s important to understand why it’s happening.
Where does anxiety come from in relationships?
Communication problems often play a big role in this. People with relationship anxiety become nervous when a current or potential partner becomes less involved. Anxiety can also arise from a mismatch between expectations, needs and desires. And since the one who is worried in most cases does not talk about his worries in order to save the relationship, the problems remain unresolved.
Sometimes anxiety arises from unprocessed psychological trauma received in childhood or in a previous relationship. Negative experiences from the past can undermine self-esteem and the ability to trust people in the present. But this problem can be solved – with the help of psychotherapy or self-improvement.
How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety
At the moment when you experience anxiety, it may seem that you will not be able to overcome it. But that’s not true. It is quite possible to cope with it, although it will require time and effort. Here are a few ways to get started.
Talk about fears and difficulties
Communication is key to relationships. Therefore, it is very important to discuss everything that happens with your partner. When he understands your fears and the reason for them, he can help you calm down.
For example, if you realize that anxiety comes from within, turn to your partner for support while you deal with this problem on your own. And if his actions cause concern, ask the person to adjust his behavior in order to strengthen the connection between you. If he is not ready to change to create a healthy atmosphere, it may be worth thinking about the viability of the relationship itself.
Keep a diary
Whenever you experience relationship anxiety, take the time to write down the reasons why you have it. It is very important not to judge yourself, but simply to record situations that become a trigger for anxiety. After a few days of journaling, you will likely notice certain patterns that will help you better understand yourself and your feelings.
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Breathe
Anxiety is an important signal, so you should try to notice it and not push it away. When you start to worry, pause and allow yourself to slow down. For example, inhale deeply for a count of four, hold your breath for another four counts, and then exhale for another count of four. Repeat this exercise four times. With its help, it will be easier for you to regulate your emotions, including anxiety.
Take the test “Does it fit or doesn’t it fit?”
It consists of asking yourself one question at a time when you feel anxious: do your partner’s words and actions coincide or not? If everything comes together, all that remains is to continue to gradually strengthen the trust between you, depending on the level of your relationship.
If your partner’s words and actions do not coincide, you need to take a closer look at his behavior. If it doesn’t make you happy, it’s worth talking about it without omissions or judgment. And prepare to listen to your partner impartially and calmly, even if you don’t like his words.
Contact a psychologist
Often we find ourselves at a dead end and reproduce the relationship style of our parents. If you are in a healthy union but sometimes behave unreasonably with your partner, consider seeking professional help. It can help you free yourself from limiting attitudes.
A good relationship is not a model created in a laboratory, but something unique that you and your partner create as you spend time with each other, communicate and have experiences together. You may not be able to completely get rid of your anxiety, but you can work on calming your emotions and focusing on the pleasant and joyful moments in your relationship.
What will help you cope with anxiety? 😌
