What to do if you can’t stand your partner’s friends

In any relationship, there comes a time when you have to get to know your partner’s friends. But acquaintance is not always pleasant, and we find ourselves in a delicate situation. On the one hand, we want to cut some people out of our partner’s life because we don’t like them. On the other hand, it would be dishonest to come between a loved one and his friends, because we also have a social circle that we value. A few tips will help you find a way out of a difficult situation and maintain peace as a couple.

How to behave if you don’t like your partner’s friends

Understand the reasons for your feelings

Think about what exactly annoys you about your partner’s friends and make a list if it makes it easier for you. For example, you may not like their lifestyle. Or they remind you of someone unpleasant from your past. Or they create a repulsive atmosphere around themselves in which you feel uncomfortable being in.

In addition, hanging out with friends can reveal a side of your partner that you don’t usually see. Perhaps he turns into a different person next to them, or it seems to you that they have a bad influence on him. Sometimes we direct negative emotions at our partner’s friends, when in fact our feelings should be aimed at him.

Talk to your partner

When you determine what exactly is bothering you, have an open conversation with your loved one. Choose a moment when you are both in a good mood and ready to listen to each other (definitely not after a hard day at work). Such a conversation will help everyone: you will understand why your partner communicates with people you don’t like, and he will have the opportunity to look at the situation through your eyes.

Be careful in your wording and delicately share your experiences. Use “I” phrases, such as “I feel…” to keep your partner open to your words and not become defensive. Remind him that you only want the best for him and that you care about him.

Get to know your partner’s friends better

Of course, the third one is often superfluous. Still, try organizing a meeting with your partner and one of his friends. You can invite him to visit if you live together, or meet in a cafe for a cup of coffee. It is possible that your friend will pleasantly surprise you, and the presence of your partner will help you relax and feel comfortable.

Before meeting, ask your loved one if you have anything in common with his friend. Such “points of contact” help to find a topic for conversation with unfamiliar interlocutors and establish closer communication.

4. Accept them and don’t jump to conclusions

You must trust your partner’s decisions about what kind of people he wants in his environment. This is the best thing you can do for yourself first and foremost. Accept that from time to time you will have to cross paths with your loved one’s friends, and try to communicate with them with an open mind. Not only will you have a better time in meetings, but you will also maintain peace in your relationships.

How to protect your relationship with your partner

Set boundaries

Just avoid “it’s either me or them” ultimatums. Your partner shouldn’t have to choose between you and other people he cares about, this will only drive a wedge into your relationship. Even if your loved one stays with you, he may harbor resentment because you put him before such a difficult choice.

Instead, set healthy boundaries and agree on how often you’re willing to see your partner’s friends and how much alone time you want to spend with them. This way, you will communicate less with people you can’t stand, and your partner won’t have to sacrifice anyone.

Encourage your partner to meet with friends without you

If your loved one cares about you and wants you to be happy, they may subconsciously distance themselves from friends you don’t like. This will work in your favor at first, but will likely turn into a problem later because it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Therefore, when friends call your partner to see you, motivate him to go to meetings without you. In the meantime, you can chat with your friends or take care of yourself. At the end of the day, everyone needs their own space, and friendship is important whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Don’t let your partner’s friends become part of your relationship.

Of course, if something about them irritates or worries you, you should talk about it with your loved one. But the rest of the time you don’t need to pay too much attention to the topic of friends. Try to think less about them and focus on your happy life with your partner.

What is your relationship like with your loved one’s friends? Share your stories in the comments.