One of the most unpleasant ways to experience love is to realize that it is unrequited. People whose feelings are unrequited may become fixated on trying to get rid of them by repeating something like this:
- “The more I try not to think about him, the more I do. I don’t know when this will all end.”
- “I don’t want to cut off contact with her, but it also hurts me to stay close. How to deal with this dilemma?
- “We broke up a few months ago. Why am I still thinking about going back? Will I be able to move on?
Giving up someone you want to be with is excruciatingly difficult. In a study involving respondents aged 13 to 63 years, psychologists from the United States allocated several types of unrequited love. And most people have likely experienced at least one of them. For example, falling in love with someone who is unavailable, longing for an ex-partner, or the feeling that the love in the relationship is not equal and one loves one more than the other.
If you are suffering from unrequited feelings, there are at least two things you can do to help channel your feelings in a healthier direction.
1. Start to control your feelings
When we are unrequitedly in love, it seems that it is impossible to get out of this state, that it is beyond our control. However, research showthat we can influence our feelings using certain cognitive and behavioral techniques.
Experts call this practice “love regulation.” It helps change the intensity of our romantic feelings. In the case of unrequited love, methods aimed at reducing will be useful. For example:
- Cognitive reappraisal. You need to reframe the situation you are in to change the way you feel. For example, focusing on the shortcomings of the love object or reflecting on the fact that wounds will heal over time.
- Abstraction. The point is to switch attention from your emotional state to something else – watch TV shows, listen to music, immerse yourself in work or study, go to the gym.
- Social support. Talking to close friends or family can help you feel better or put your difficult romantic experiences into perspective.
- Choice of situation. You should consciously avoid anything that reminds you of unrequited love, be it photographs, conversations or places. This ensures that deep feelings do not come to the surface unnecessarily.
2. Stop romanticizing suffering.
Unrequited love is often romanticized in art and pop culture. And they present the feeling of longing that underlies failed or purely imaginary relationships as bittersweet euphoria.
But such a picture does not reflect the whole reality. Research draw a completely different nature of unrequited love:
- In terms of passion, sacrifice and commitment, a relationship with unrequited feelings is less emotional than a relationship with reciprocity.
- The only thing people feel more strongly about unrequited love is confusion.
- Unrequited feelings are associated with low self-esteem, self-doubt, anxiety and depression.
Such scientific findings show why unrequited love cannot be considered “inspirational.” We already need time to sort out complex, ingrained feelings, and romanticizing suffering only prolongs it.
Unrequited love is not a suitable way to imitate real romantic feelings, but the worst way to get closer to the ideal. It can be a painful and even traumatic experience. But as with any difficult event in life, patience with yourself, true self-care, and an honest assessment of reality will help you recover.
This will pass 💔💔💔