What is the “bird test”?
Look out the window. Now find something there that seems completely inconspicuous – say, a bird on a tree, and point it out to your partner with enthusiasm. How will he react? Will he laugh with you at the fussy sparrow? Will he nod silently? Or will he ask not to distract him with all sorts of nonsense? This is the “bird test” – a new TikTok trend similar to the orange peel theory. And if you don’t take it too seriously, you can find some grain of truth in it.
It is based on the idea of ”betting”, which belongs famous psychologist John Gottman. A “bet” is an attempt to establish an emotional connection, such as an invitation to pay attention to something or join something. It can be accepted, ignored or rejected. No matter how small it may seem, the “bet” is essentially a request to confirm that the couple has a connection. And in the long run, partners who are more likely to notice and accept “bets” are happier.
The Bird Test is a great example of how Gottman’s ideas work in practice and the importance of taking bets. It’s a practical demonstration of the principle that success in a relationship often depends on these small moments of connection.
Basically we are looking for partners who will be emotionally available and involved in the union. We need someone who will be responsive and satisfy our requests for emotional connection, even the smallest and frivolous at first glance.
Is it worth doing “testing”?
John Gottman himself approved the “bird test”: a video with the psychologist’s reaction published on the Gottman Institute’s TikTok. Perhaps this is due to the fact that the test echoes another of his theories about the ratio of negative and positive interactions in a couple. That is, if per negative interaction on average have to five positive, in the long run the relationship is more likely to be happy. Partners with a 2:3 ratio have something to work on together, while partners with a 1:1 ratio are probably on the verge of breaking up.
In the case of the “bird test,” a positive interaction will be considered a reaction when a partner responds to a request, and a negative interaction will be considered when a partner ignores or brushes it aside. To create strong and prosperous relationships, it is important to cultivate moments of understanding, support and positive interaction so that the scales tip towards empathy, affection and appreciation rather than criticism, neglect and contempt.
The Bird Test is worth using to understand how partners typically react to attempts to establish an emotional connection. If the result is that they are more likely to ignore or not notice such moments, this is a signal to consciously pay more mutual attention to each other’s interests and emotions. A good place to start is to talk about emotional needs and how to better support each other.
Besides the birdie test, there are several other ways to bet on an emotional connection. For example, create “love maps,” that is, study the inner world of your partner, or use “connection rituals,” that is, regularly do ordinary things together, which will benefit the relationship.
Why the “bird test” can be dangerous
You need to understand that the “bird test” is just one example of a “bet” on an emotional connection and is by no means a full-fledged study, based on the results of which serious conclusions should be drawn.
The “bet” is the moment when we can show awareness, connection and empathy with our partner, and a short test alone cannot summarize the essence of the relationship. Moreover, such a superficial check can turn out to be a mistake and put the partner in a worse light. Do not forget that his reaction during the “bird test” can be influenced by things hidden from prying eyes. Perhaps something upset him at work, his stomach hurts, or he is worried about money problems.
Therefore, test results should be interpreted in a broader context, and reactions to “bet” at different times and in different circumstances should be monitored. And if you want your partner to be more interested and involved in the relationship, it is better to openly tell him about it and explain in what ways he can show it.
More different tests and theories 🧐