1. You need to finish the old to start the new.
Even if the breakup was not very traumatic for you, you are still tearing yourself away from another person with whom you had a lot in common. And sometimes you want to attach a new partner to this bleeding wound as quickly as possible so that he plays the role of a healing plantain. This may work, but it may also lead to bad consequences.
When we enter relationships out of desperation and pain, we run the risk of overlooking red flags or simply choosing someone who isn’t right for us.
Ask yourself why you want a relationship. If the goal is to cope with pain, anger, loneliness, then perhaps you should wait. If you want to go on dates in order to again experience all the emotions associated with them, to build something new, this is a sign that you are ready.
2. It is important to update values and priorities
You shouldn’t rush into a new relationship thoughtlessly also because you first need to build a harmonious interaction with yourself. Who are you now, what are your values, what are you not ready to compromise in the future?
Even if you are a rock and a stronghold, you probably sometimes thought about the welfare of your partner more than about your own, somewhere you gave in, caved in, adopted other people’s beliefs. Now you have the opportunity to shake off the plaque brought from outside and return to your roots.
At the same time, try not to roll back to the factory settings that you had before the relationship. All these years you have grown older and wiser. And there is a high probability that what you are looking for in people now is not at all what you liked ten years ago.
3. It’s better to leave your previous partner’s misdeeds with him.
Having burned themselves on the milk, they blow on the water. Often a breakup shows us a recently loved one from the negative side. You may encounter something very unpleasant, deception, betrayal. It is logical that you will try to protect yourself from this in the future. But there is a risk of overdoing it in trying to create a safe zone for yourself.
For example, a person ended a relationship because he found out about cheating. He worries about this, and as a result, he begins to suspect his new partner of infidelity in advance. Perhaps he reads correspondence, conducts harsh interrogations and generally behaves dubiously. This approach is understandable. But the current beloved did not give any reason for jealousy and does not deserve to be punished for the sins of another.
You should not project the misdeeds of your previous partner onto your current one. Of course you have bad experiences. But try starting from scratch.
4. It’s okay if the relationship doesn’t work out right away.
Sometimes people are lucky and the very first date after a breakup results in great love and many years of marriage. If that’s not the case for you and you don’t meet someone who attracts you strongly enough, there’s no reason to worry. Everything will definitely work out sooner or later – of course, if you need a relationship in principle.
For now, enjoy your dates. This is a great way to have a good time, try new things, and make friends. Find pleasure in it.
5. There is no competition between you and your ex-partner.
Sometimes despair is added by the fact that the former lover has already found someone and is moving on. This can be upsetting, even if you were the initiator of the separation, because, on the one hand, it draws the final line under your relationship, on the other, as if it makes you less successful compared to your ex-partner. This is wrong.
Meeting someone suitable is largely luck, and not the result of personal effort and merit.
So don’t think of the search for a new relationship as a race with obstacles. Move at a comfortable pace.
6. New love may appear faster than it seems.
Sometimes a person, literally on the way out of an old relationship, meets someone who matches him perfectly. And this may seem wrong to him. He will torment himself: I didn’t worry enough… what will people say?
There is no standard for the correct period of suffering—everyone has a different healing time. If you find yourself ready for a new relationship earlier than society expected you to be, don’t beat yourself up. What is happening to you is normal.
Other things to keep in mind 💔