Prepare for the conversation
Write down the main points that need to be said. If you’re nervous, rehearse. Of course, there is no need to read out a speech prepared in advance from a piece of paper, but it is better to think through a plan for the conversation and anticipate possible difficulties. During the conversation, be calm, but not indifferent.
Choose the right place and time
Practicing psychotherapist, author of the book “13 Rules for Strong People” Amy Morin writesthat the environment matters. Therefore, choose a place where no one will disturb you. If the news involves a follow-up discussion, take some time to answer the other person’s questions or just listen to them. Breaking bad news casually in a crowded and noisy environment is not the best solution.
Deliver bad news in person
Breaking up via messenger or informing about dismissal in an email is a sign of disrespect for the interlocutor. This also applies to sadder news, such as illness or tragedy. Therefore, if there is an opportunity to meet in person, use it.
Speak softly, but directly and honestly
Don’t try to hide the unpleasant truth. Amy Morin believes that being too soft won’t do any good. For example, when firing an employee, do not tell him that it is not his fault and that he is performing his duties perfectly, if in fact this is not the case. Gently explain to him the real reasons and don’t force him to figure out why such an excellent employee like him was asked to leave.
Moreover, most people prefers directness if they are about to receive negative information. If you are too soft, the person will suspect something is wrong and begin to get nervous. Why torture him again? Be direct.
Watch your tone
Tone of your message plays important role. Presenting information carelessly will cause a negative reaction, so take the time to politely explain to the person what exactly is wrong and be as objective as possible.
Don’t pour water
Don’t beat around the bush before getting to the point. Don’t waste your interlocutor’s time with empty talk about the weather or exchange rates – that’s not what you called him for. In addition, he may be puzzled by protracted, meaningless chatter: he will wonder what you need from him and why is he here? Instead, greet politely, express your regrets, and say what you wanted. It’s not about shocking the unfortunate person with news right out of the gate and getting away with it. There may be a foreword, but don’t go too far from the topic.
Provide the facts
The interlocutor may take what you say too emotionally. So be prepared to explain why this happened. It all depends on the specific case and the topic you’re talking about, but if you can give a reason, do it. Let the person see the situation completely, be informed and come to conclusions that will be useful to him in the future. Just don’t get excited, try to maintain a neutral position.
Don’t demand sympathy from your interlocutor
Most likely, all the anger or resentment will pour out on the person delivering the bad news. Even if nothing depended on you in a particular situation. Do not overuse the phrases “Imagine how hard it is for me to talk about this!” or “Do you think this was easy for me?” – this way you risk angering the person even more. Amy Morin advises preparing for different reactions from your interlocutor and trying to accept them, but not stooping to insults.
Show you care
Find out how the person took the news. Empathize, support, but do not squeeze out feigned emotions: sincerity is most important.
Offer help
If you can help in any way, say so. If your interlocutor accepts the offer, treat him with full responsibility: he has problems, and perhaps you are the only source of support.
Lend a shoulder 🤗