In Ireland there was a tradition, according to which on February 29 a woman could propose to a man, and he could not refuse. More precisely, it is possible, but it was necessary, according to various sources, either to pay a fine to the state, or to pay off the lady herself. The tradition later spread to Scotland and also existed unofficially in England.
The script for the film “How to Get Married in 3 Days” is based on this story, which, before the work of the translators, is actually called “Leap Year”. And in it, the heroine goes to Ireland on the right dates and plans to propose to her boyfriend.
But in general, such stories are not very popular in culture. In life, however, they are also not often welcomed. But is this fair?
Why you should take things easier when a girl proposes
Let’s be honest: you can talk about equality as much as you like, but you can’t erase gender socialization from yourself in a day or even in years. When a man fell on his knee in a crowded place and gave a ring for a lot of money, there was delight and dozens of lights on social networks. If he, succumbing to feelings, puts a beer cap with a tongue-ring on his chosen one’s finger, this, as the classics said, is “doubtful, but okay.” Maybe the boy got emotional, got emotional, and decided: now or never.
But if a girl proposes—in any format—then you won’t get any sparks from such content, but you can feel the hate in abundance.
A man who proposes marriage is approved. Even if he and his girlfriend haven’t really had a serious relationship, even if they constantly fight, even if they haven’t discussed marriage in general, this is welcome. Because a woman should always want to get married by default. And not even for a specific person, but conceptually. And if someone asks you to get married on this very day, you should be happy. And if the partner suddenly says “no,” she will be judged.
A man, as it is believed, does not want to get married, so as soon as he has such a desire, he will immediately propose. The woman is probably not trying hard, since he is not yet mature. But within the framework of some social etiquette, you cannot directly ask her questions about the wedding. That is, you shouldn’t put pressure, don’t blow your mind, this can scare you away. But you can hint, beg and reproach; this fits into the social norm.
And if it becomes known that the woman proposed marriage and the man agreed, then they will not be happy for him – they will feel sorry for him. They got the poor guy wrapped up, he wouldn’t have chosen this for himself. Refuse? Of course, I couldn’t, at such moments the failing gland becomes paralyzed. So even at the golden wedding they will joke that he suffered for fifty years.
However, women should have the right to propose without being judged. And that’s why.
Because the initiative often comes from women
If we put aside gender prejudices somewhat, the real situation no longer corresponds very much to tradition. Some polls showthat 37% of women do not see anything reprehensible in a proposal if it comes from a girl. 66% of respondents answered that they were ready to propose to their partner themselves if he did not decide within the desired period. And in the case of real weddings, only in 60% of cases the initiative came from men.
And even if a man falls to his knee, millions of women actually direct both the wedding and the proposal of their dreams. The man here still acts as a performer, it’s just covered up with a beautiful screen. That is, women actually take this step much more often than it seems. Maybe it’s time to stop pretending and normalize it?
Because the proposal is a formality
Previously, relationships were built differently. For example, it happened that a girl had many admirers. Some of them could be wooed – by prior agreement or suddenly. And then it was already possible to decide whose offer to accept and whom to refuse.
If there were not an abundance of people willing, the bride could be given to anyone who wanted to see her as his wife. Because the extra mouth has to be sold off. In general, everything is not the same as in romantic historical series and books about misfits.
But now, before marriage, people usually have time to build a relationship, the dynamics of which a stamp in the passport will not radically change. As a rule, both participants understand where everything is going, even if they do not admit it to themselves. And if they have common plans for life, the partners discuss it.
Normally, an offer is not such a surprise, it is more a matter of time.
Moreover, rituals are not important for everyone. Men, too, do not always fall on their knees on the seashore; sometimes they propose marriage at home near the refrigerator or while walking through the swamps. And if it looks appropriate from them, why not from a woman?
Because it’s an easy way to dot the i’s
If one of the couple strives for marriage, and the other does not, it is not so easy for them to find a compromise. Because you can’t hang somewhere in the middle; someone will still have to give in. And it is obvious that the winner is the one who does not want to submit an application to the registry office. Because this status does not require you to do anything.
However, when partners understand their desires and voice them openly, they have a chance to come to an agreement. But there are many couples where one, or in our case one, wants to get married, and the other feeds them breakfast. Either February is some kind of leap year, or the economic situation is inappropriate, or how can you have a wedding in the year of the 435th anniversary of Voronezh.
An offer is a milestone after which you will have to make a decision.
This, of course, is a somewhat ultimatum approach, although the proposal is not an ultimatum in the full sense. Because here both will have to decide something. But if a man is not ready, a woman better find out right now. She will be able to find someone with whom she will have common goals.
But at the same time, it is important to understand in time when the relationship has already reached a dead end and it is not worth getting married at all, so as not to prolong the agony.
Do not do it this way 🧐
How can you propose to a man if you finally decide?
Since the situation as a whole is abnormal, there are no ready-made scenarios. No one expects a ring to cost three salaries, and a woman to get down on one knee, risking tearing her expensive tights. Maybe it’s better to exclude the pattern with knees altogether: there is a risk that it will look cartoonish. Moreover, precisely because the stereotype of how it should look is very well fixed in our heads, and not because it is bad in itself.
Otherwise, a lot depends on your determination. You can simply say in a good, calm moment that you really value your relationship and would like it to last a lifetime. Or choose a more memorable setting. You can look for ideas in the text “24 cool ways to propose to a girl”, this is the case when the arrow turns.
In this case, it is better not to make a proposal like this:
- In public. This applies not only to girls, but also to guys. If the issue of the wedding has not been discussed in advance, then the person should have the option of both refusal and consent. And people around create a situation of pressure, when it seems that there is only one solution – to say “yes”.
- In a place where severe emotional shock is expected. For example, when a person falls out of a roller coaster on weak legs, of course, you can propose marriage, but you shouldn’t. If he feels delighted by the proposal, then previous strong emotions will make the event unforgettable. But if the answer is not so obvious to him, then emotions will get in the way.
For those who are ready 🧐