Scientists from Harvard, in a study that lasted more than 80 years, installed: Open, sincere relationships help us feel happy and improve our health. And the most accessible way to establish mutual understanding and strengthen trust is not to remain silent. Talk directly about what you think, feel, what you value, and what you would like to change. These phrases will help you.
1. We can handle this
Options: “I’m with you”, “I’m on your side”, “We are together” and other phrases that show: no matter what happens, you will support your partner.
When something unexpected and unpleasant happens, anyone can become confused and feel vulnerable. If a loved one is in such a state, you should not reproach him, much less demand that he immediately pull himself together and act. Everyone sometimes needs time to realize what happened and gather strength.
For example, the boss announced that the department where your partner works will be subject to staff reductions starting next month, so it’s time to look for a new job. It is not advisable to immediately subscribe to all channels with vacancies and start sending out resumes today. The time for active action will definitely come, but later. And today a loved one needs support. It is important for him to feel that he is not going through what happened alone and can rely on you.
2. Thank you
Options: “Thank you, this is exactly what I need now,” “How grateful I am to you that you remember even the little things,” “Thank you, it was very timely.”
Words of gratitude will sound even more convincing if you say what exactly you are grateful to your partner for. This will help He will better understand your needs and will make the relationship more trusting.
Saying “Thank you for caring” is nice too. But here’s another phrase, more specific: “Thank you for bringing me a thermos of tea. A sip of something hot was exactly what I needed.” It shows that you value not abstract care, but are grateful for every action. And you don’t think that your partner should do something good for you by default.
3. Forgive me
Options: “I was wrong”, “Sorry that I brushed aside your warnings”, “I’m sorry I behaved rudely.”
Each of us makes mistakes at some point, and it is important to show that we are able to admit that we were wrong. If we make it clear to another that we are ready to look at ourselves critically, this will not make us weak in his eyes. On the contrary, it will show that we are not afraid to be open and vulnerable. This means it will help build trust.
4. It makes me sad
Options: “It hurts me when you say that,” “I feel lonely when you forget to call,” “I really miss our conversations in the evenings.”
If tension arises in a relationship, it is better to discuss the situation immediately. But not in the form of a scandal, without accusations and generalizations.
Phrases: “You always only think about yourself! I don’t even understand why we’re still together!” will not help resolve the conflict. They will force the partner to go on the defensive, and in this state people are unlikely to be able to come to an agreement. Silence will also only complicate the situation.
Try to calmly communicate what exactly is upsetting you and why it is important for you to fix it. It is worth using I-messages, that is, talking only about your emotions. For example: “When you silently leave dirty dishes in the sink, I get upset. I feel like a kitchen servant. If you don’t have time to wash, please warn me. But if I’m in a hurry, I’ll do the same.”
5. I want to understand you
Options: “I’m really trying to figure out why you and I are fighting,” “It’s important for me to understand why you’re sad,” “I care what your mood is.”
Perhaps your partner is worried about something or is not happy with something. The first thought is that it’s all about your relationship with him. But maybe something else is bothering him: troubles at work, problems with friends or family. Or he is simply going through a difficult period that requires serious changes in his life. It happens that a person himself cannot formulate what worries him, or does not know how to start a difficult conversation.
It is worth showing that you value not only your emotional comfort, but also the well-being of your loved one. And we are ready to meet him halfway.
6. It really hurts me that we quarreled.
Sometimes it is difficult to immediately formulate what does not suit you in a conflict situation. Or agree that you were wrong and should have done differently. Maybe you are in pain and can’t cope with the resentment or disappointment. But I also don’t want to remain silent, in case it alienates you even more from each other.
In this case, you can simply admit that it is bad for you to be in a quarrel. If you want to establish mutual understanding, just say so. It may not be possible to make peace right away. But you will take the first, most difficult step towards establishing relationships.
7. Let’s look for a solution together
You reported everything that worries you. The partner also showed what the situation looks like from his point of view. But you both don’t yet know how to overcome the conflict.
A good way is to offer to look for a way out together. Perhaps an option that suits both will not appear immediately. But you will definitely get to know each other better, understand what is important to the other, and be able to look at your position from his side. This means you will take another important step towards mutual understanding.
8. I miss you
Options: “I need/need you”, “I really value our relationship”, “I feel bad without you.”
Sometimes it seems that there is no need to say such words. After all, the other already understands that if you are together, you need each other. But sometimes it’s worth repeating even obvious things. Reminding your partner that you value your relationship means making it even stronger.
9. I care what you think about it
Options: “I would like to hear your opinion,” “I’m interested in what you would do in such a situation.”
Adults will always have different views on some things. This is great because it helps you look at the situation from different points of view and not miss important details. For example, you may be delighted that your boss promised to increase your salary by 20%, but do not notice that your responsibilities will be almost twice as many. And a partner who sees the situation from the outside will show you where the catch is.
Sometimes it is worth asking the other person what he sees from his point of view. This will help you avoid making mistakes and will definitely strengthen mutual understanding.
10. Hug me
Option: “Let me hug you.”
Scientists installedthat touching and hugging reduces cortisol levels and helps you cope with stress faster. Physical contact helps even in cases where words are powerless.
This effect is especially pronounced in women. But it also becomes easier for men if they feel with their skin that a loved one is nearby. So don’t be shy about asking your partner to hug you. He may not notice that right now you need not only verbal support, but also physical contact.
If you think your partner is vulnerable and could use a tight hug, tell him so. Maybe he doesn’t want to look weak and isn’t ready to ask for support. But he will be glad if you yourself take a step forward.
How to create strong relationships 💖💖💖