I’m not a big user of social media. There are many reasons for this, but for now, let’s say that I use them when my job requires it, and that’s it. And when I see the extent to which social media distorts spending and saving habits, I am determined to keep it that way. There are many ways social media and influencers hurt your finances.
The pressure of keeping up with the Joneses. Syndrome FOMO and the hype machine. Sponsored and branded content that encourages you to consume. Feelings of inadequacy that lead people to spend for relief. It is the tip of a very deep iceberg.
But what I’m seeing lately is confusion among my friends about what exactly they owe influencers. That confusion is leading some to spend unnecessarily, largely out of guilt.
The influencer’s guilt trip
Influencers often make you feel guilty for spending money on the products they promote. Sometimes the feeling of guilt is subtle. The influencer posts a lot of personal content to draw you into their world. Your children, spouses, pets, and home take center stage. They tell you their hopes and dreams. Perhaps they will interact in the comments, giving even more personal information.
Over time, you start to feel like you know this person. When the message arrives: «Buy my product” either “support me in ____ (Patreon, GoFundMe, etc.), will be ready. You want to support this person. They have become your “friends” or feel like an extended family. And no one likes to say no to a friend or family member. You don’t want this person to feel disappointed in you. You are friends and friends help friends! They don’t let each other down. So,What are you doing? You pay the money for the product that is offered.
Other times the feeling of guilt is more blatant. The influencer talks about her economic or personal struggles. They tell a sad story about how the money from this business they run will pay their mortgage, cover their medical bills, or pay for their children’s education. Once again, you’ve become involved in this person’s life, so when they ask you to buy something, you’re ready to help! Of course you will buy the product. ¡You don’t want Junior to be expelled from school.!
The problem is this: first, you can’t know if any of this is true. It’s possible that the influencer is simply telling you all these things and drawing you into their sales pitch. They may not have children, pets, or anything else. The life that seems so attractive and friendly can be a stage. They may not be sick and are simply using the story as a way to trick you. You have no real way of knowing. (By the way, it is not a bad life policy to assume that everything that appears on social networks is a lie until proven otherwise.).
Secondly, even if any of this is true, these people are not your real friends and family. No matter how much you feel that theyou know“, It is not like this. Even if you’ve seen them talk or appear in person, they’re still not real friends or family. They are sellers who sell a product or a subscription. They want your money, likes and clicks and that’s it. It is not your obligation to support them and you should not fear that they will somehow be disappointed in you if you do not buy what they are selling. The chances are very high that they won’t even think about you. If they do, you are part of an aggregate group of “customers” either “subscribers” to those who are simply trying to squeeze as much out of it as possible. It is not a personal relationship, it is a transactional relationship. Your real friends and family are elsewhere.
What you can do
First, remember that influencers are not your friends or family. (Unless they really are, in which case you have a thornier problem, see below). No matter how often they try to make you feel for them or your family, you don’t owe them anything. You have to put your own needs first and if you can’t afford what they sell, or you don’t need it or want it, you can’t and shouldn’t.”help” to the influencer.
Second, remember that the influencer is just as much a business as Target or Walmart. The scale may be smaller, but it’s the same. They have products to sell and they need to convince you to buy them. Evaluate any deal offered with the same critical eye as you apply to any other transaction. ¿You need it? ¿I love you? Can you afford it (without endangering anything else)? ¿You know exactly what you’re going to do with it.? ¿You are clear about the benefits and ongoing costs of any subscription? If the answer to any of this is no, click outside of the TikTok, video or tweet.
Third, disconnect. If you’re mistaking a YouTube or TikTok personality for real friends and family, it’s time to step into the real world for a while. Go visit your real-life friends or family. Volunteer somewhere like an animal shelter or nursing home. Take a class, join a meetup or hobby group, or try a new church and meet new people. It’s easy these days to isolate yourself online, but that’s not healthy. Plus, when you date real people, the need to buy anything online will disappear. Staying busy keeps consumption down. After a while, you’ll forget about that social media personality because your life will be full of real people.
What if you really know these people?
From time to time the case will arise where you actually know an influencer. (Or someone who does direct sales where they host house parties and invite you to listen while they sell the merchandise. It’s not that different from influencing, except it’s done in person, locally.). It’s worse when you actually know the people making the sales. because it becomes much more difficult to avoid them.
Simply unfollowing their channel won’t help, as they’ll see you at parties or at the grocery store and ask if you liked the last video, or if you can mention their products to your friends, or if you’d be willing. to come and see some new products. You’ll hear at every meeting how much they expect their business to take off so they can buy a new house or car. You’ll start to feel guilty and wonder if by not buying something you’re condemning your sister to eating dog food when she retires. Oh boy.
Ignoring it or saying no can get you called an idiot. While that’s not a real problem online, it makes groups of family and friends uncomfortable. In this case, you must first decide how much you value the relationship. ¿Is this someone that, in addition to selling, you want in your life? Do you get value from the relationship or do you feel like you are being used? If it’s not a good relationship, then say no or ignore it and let the chips fall where they may. If this is a relationship you want to maintain, you may have to act like you care about their business, at least a little.
Knowing the influencer still doesn’t mean you have to buy anything.
You are still not obligated to support these people financially, especially if your own financial foundation is not so stable. (Unless your culture demands it and then, well, you need more help than I can give you. I’m sorry). You can support in other ways.
Maybe you offer to mention their products to other people. (And then never do it, if you don’t want to). Or you watch their content so you can make some nice comments over dinner and then change the subject. Maybe you attend their party and buy something small as a show of support, or drop a small amount into their virtual tip jar. You can also offer to help them in other ways. Offer to babysit so your sister can edit her new video. If you have any skills like website design or social media optimization, offer to help. Do your taxes if that’s your thing, or offer to help prepare appetizers for their next sales party. Not all help and support has to involve money.
If you’re being nice about it and the person tells you to do more, that your help isn’t enough, then it might be time to rethink the relationship. Their finances are their problem, not yours. Anyone who tries to turn you into a customer instead of a friend is a “friend” which you don’t need.
The bottom line is this: don’t confuse influencers with people you actually know. Don’t let them draw you in to the point where you feel like “have” than support their efforts. You’ll never have to feel guilty for saying no, ignoring the appeal, or hitting the unsubscribe or unfollow button. And if you know them, there are ways to preserve the relationship without ruining your own finances..
