Pick-me girl (from English pick me – “pick me”) called girls who really want male attention and approval. At the same time, they achieve it by belittling other women, trying to stand out from them. However, it’s still not worth labeling, since this term has a pronounced misogynistic character.
Who is pick-me girl
The term became popular in 2016 on Twitter. Then the hashtag #tweetlikeapickme appeared. Users made fun of women who follow traditional gender stereotypes and patriarchal attitudes.
“I’d rather stay home and fold my clothes to Beethoven than twerk in a club to Cardi B. My man will never have to worry about anything because I will iron his underwear, getting him ready for his next ‘meeting’.”
#TweetLikeAPickMe”
In the 2020s, the trend came to life again, this time on TikTok. He promoted another problematic image. Girls posted videos with phrases like “I eat pizza, unlike my friends who only eat salad” or “I like to hang out with guys because there’s ‘too much drama’ with girls.”
Usually a pick-me girl tries to show that she is not like other girls, especially in what is considered typically feminine. For example, he doesn’t wear dresses, prefers sports rather than fashion, or doesn’t wear makeup. Pick-me girls are more often mentioned in a negative context; girls themselves do not identify themselves that way.
Many girls on Twitter admit that they had a period when they wanted to impress men. And for this they renounced everything “typically feminine.”
“Oh, in 1717 I called mothers with children “ovules”, “hens”, etc. And before that I was “my tomboy” and everything like that. For many years I rethought everything bit by bit. And frankly speaking, even now I can catch myself doing something misogynistic.”
“As a teenager there was a period of “I’m not like these guys” because I love rock, video games and the color black. It also seems to me that it was a defensive reaction, because the girls did not accept me because of such differences. I reflected on this, like any similar thoughts, over time.”
“Previously, I called any girls in whom I saw rivals as skins, and in general I perceived women as rivals + called sh****** those who could post photos of themselves in underwear, and all this was out of self-hatred + envy that they can afford it, but I can’t.”
Why you shouldn’t label girls as pick-me girls
According to psychologist Regina Galanti, labeling can only make things worse, especially for teenage girls. At this age, people face an identity crisis and try to figure out who they are. Girls try on different identities, including those that are approved by society.
The specialist explained: often teenagers change themselves a little in order to fit into society and make an impression. That is, they are simply trying to adapt. And at this time others rush at them with accusations and name-calling. Calling others a pick-me girl will only strengthen our beliefs about rival girls.
Psychologist and sexologist Shadin Francis believes deeper problem. Society broadcasts that everything masculine is correct and meaningful. For example, in James Bond films, women do not play an important role, but serve as decoration and props serving male interests. There are a lot of such messages around, so the opinion is formed that everything “masculine” should come first.
Girls, who are called pick-me girls, subconsciously choose this model of behavior, because this is what society broadcasts to them. They seek approval from guys to fit into a man’s world and gain approval. According to psychotherapist Tiffany Jones, to avoid rejection, a girl stops identifying herself with a “typical woman.”
According to Regina Galanti, the term can also be harmful for women who are sincerely interested in the things for which they are ridiculed. For example, if they really like sports or most of their friends are men. Then pick-me girl becomes just another misogynistic insult with which girls humiliate each other.
Regina Galanti calls for a more compassionate and understanding conversation. Instead of insulting, it is better to educate and show that the girls’ attitudes are actually false.
How to get off the needle of male approval
Don’t label
To begin with, try not to divide things, interests, and characteristics into “male” and “female.” Tiffany Jones instead advises listen to yourself more: what do you really want and desire? This will help you understand what you do to please someone and what you do based on your own needs.
“With the advent of therapy and feminism in my life, I realized that I can be a bimboy in glitter (I previously forbade myself to wear makeup and dress brightly), this does not make me dumber or more “accessible.” And I fell behind other girls + learned to admire them.”
“At the age of 28, I suddenly realized that I am more important, my goals, thoughts, desires are also more important than relationships with guys. And that I can build my life on my own. Here respect and solidarity immediately appeared for the girls, and relationships as the main goal faded into the background.”
“I stopped trying to get the attention of men and realized that I don’t have to act this way to get someone to like me.”
Try to look at women differently
Think about what women inspire you. These could be celebrities, your friends or just acquaintances. Perhaps then you will be able to see that the stereotypes turn out to be false and that other girls are not really your rivals.
“Every time a negative thought appears about a woman, I ask myself: why do I care? Why would I deny another woman the right to look the way she probably feels comfortable? Can I see something positive in her? And I’m definitely (trying) to find and see.”
“Working with a psychologist helped me, and partly growing up helped me. I was a terrible misogynist and pick me girl, but I also had too many negative experiences with girls. It is treated by meeting beautiful women who begin to break ideas like “all women are bitches.”
“I sat down and at some point realized that all my best friends are my girlfriends. They stay, share their world, help, we have a great time, love each other. And you don’t have to hang around men to feel “special.”
