Dating with intention is an approach where people understand why they are spending time together. For example, both want a family and children or try a non-monogamous relationship. There are some tips that can help you get what you want from your dates.
What is dating with intentions?
According to According to psychologist Kelly Hartman, dating with intentions involves having a clear goal. That is, you are ready to act to achieve what you want, and do not agree to anything else. At the same time, dating with intentions is not always about a serious relationship. Your goal may simply be entertainment and a desire to have a good time.
Family psychologist Gabriela Reyes asserts, that dating with intentions can be suitable for those who know exactly what they want from a relationship. Typically, people who choose this format refuse endless matches in dating apps, fleeting meetings and give priority to the quality rather than the quantity of partners. Dating with intentions can take more effort and time. After all, you won’t just have to see different people and chat with them, but rather look for a person who meets your needs.
According to Gabriela Reyes, the concept of “dating with intentions” came about because people have misunderstandings. “Are we going out to dinner because he wants to build a relationship with me? Or does he want to have sex? Or is this just another situational situation?” Therefore, some people want clarity right away, so as not to waste time or avoid a broken heart.
Why you should try dating with intentions
Both partners understand what to expect
If you discuss your goals in advance, you don’t have to worry that you and the person will misunderstand each other. Some will find it easier to open up and be themselves. The better you understand what is happening in a relationship, the safer you feel in it.
You explore your needs
In the process, you will understand what you really need from a relationship: what it should be like and what you would like to avoid. By knowing each other’s intentions, you and your partner will quickly understand whether you are truly compatible.
How to Prepare for a Date with Intentions
Decide what exactly you want
Gabriela Reyes advises that the first step is to figure out what exactly you want and don’t want. Make a list describing your ideal partner. First, write about the things that your lover definitely should have – his values, views on the future, what he wants from a relationship. Then about desirable preferences, and after them about superficial desires (for example, about preferences in appearance). This will help you better understand what kind of person you need.
Be honest
On a dating app, you can write your intentions directly on the profile, but in other cases it can be more difficult to be direct. Therefore, think in advance what you will say to potential partners. For example: “I want to get to know you and see where it leads. I’m looking for a relationship, but I don’t know you well, so I can’t say right now that I want it with you.”
If you are looking for a different type of relationship, you can say this: “I want to get to know you and spend time together, but I am not looking for anything serious in the near future.”
Take your time
According to psychologist Anita Chlipala, the most important thing in dating with intentions is to take your time and get to know the person. For example, if you both know you want something serious, you may want to get into a relationship as soon as possible. But remember that you first want to assess how aligned your values and needs are with your potential partner.
Listen to yourself
If you have a bad feeling about a certain person, you shouldn’t go on your next date with them. For example, if you notice a red flag or it is very, very beautiful, but your values are very different. It is unlikely that you will be happy in such a relationship.
Follow your values
You may come across people who answer questions about your goals vaguely or who persuade you to enter into a relationship format that you did not want in the first place. Try to remember your intentions. If they scare someone away, it is better not to build relationships with such people. Your honesty and clarity will only attract other potential partners.
Prepare mentally for rejection
When you meet new people and also announce your plans in advance, there is a high probability of facing rejection. If they upset you, that’s okay, but remind yourself that mutual attraction doesn’t always happen and that it’s not your business. Refusals should not lead you astray.