Each of us, at least once in our lives, avoided difficult and unpleasant things – put off training, avoided a serious conversation, avoided household responsibilities, postponed a work meeting. It is natural to resist anything that is outside our comfort zone. But constantly playing hide and seek with difficulties quickly becomes a vicious cycle with dire consequences, including missed deadlines, low productivity and high stress levels. If all of this sounds familiar to you, you may be using an avoidance coping strategy.
What is an avoidance coping strategy?
This is a type of coping strategy aimed at regulating emotions, which allows you to cope with internal and external sources of stress – from minor inconveniences to serious events. Avoidance coping strategy counts inappropriate behavioral response to excessive fear and anxiety.
This way of adapting to stress involves denying unpleasant thoughts, feelings or situations, shifting our attention, downplaying them, and moving away from them rather than trying to deal with them.
Coping strategy of avoidance – natural human reaction. It gives us quick, albeit temporary, relief from stress and discomfort.
Avoiding stressful and dangerous situations is an evolutionary survival skill hardwired into our brains. When we face a real risk or threat, avoidance helps us adapt and protect ourselves. For example, if we meet a bear in the forest, we do not try to fight it, but run away or hide.
In today’s world, avoidance strategy can also be considered a survival skill because it helps us manage emotions in the short term and temporarily cope with stress, especially when circumstances and problems are beyond our control. For example, if we are overloaded with work or school, then in order to cope with stress, we can use avoidance coping strategies such as endlessly scrolling our feed on social networks or, conversely, completely refusing to interact with others.
Why is the avoidance coping strategy dangerous?
If you use it constantly, you can get into a vicious circle where you hide from problems rather than solve them. The process usually starts the moment you finally commit to doing something you’ve been putting off. But before you even get started, your avoidance mechanism kicks in and you redirect your attention to something else. The cycle itself consists of four stages:
- You feel anxious and fearful when faced with a problem or source of stress.
- You try to avoid an unpleasant situation, for example through procrastination.
- Temporary relief occurs, despite the fact that the problem is not solved.
- You continue to use avoidance techniques in similar situations.
The vicious circle of avoidance can be expressed in one phrase: “I need…before I can…” Our brain forms a fundamental belief about something and certain conditions in which it is “safe” to act. For example:
- “I need silence before I can sort out the office papers.”
- “I need to buy exercise equipment before I can exercise.”
- “I need the perfect resume before I apply for my dream job.”
If you’re in a cycle of avoidance, you always have a reason why you can’t do something. It doesn’t matter how far-fetched and illogical it is. For some reason, your brain is sure that this is true, and you never doubt it, if you even know about its existence. The coping strategy of avoidance limits us so much because it is hidden deep inside. In most cases, you do not even suspect that you have become its victim.
Why doesn’t it work
She doesn’t let you solve problems
Since the avoidance coping strategy does not eliminate the root cause, the problem does not go away. For example, if you have a difficult work project to take on, but you procrastinate and get distracted, avoiding fear and responsibility, the project does not disappear. On the contrary, it becomes even more difficult and stressful due to the looming deadline.
Likewise, avoiding difficult emotions or conflicts can exacerbate problems in personal relationships. If you constantly avoid unpleasant conversations with loved ones, the situation only gets worse.
It increases stress
This type of coping strategy provides a temporary feeling of relief. But gradually the stress returns because the problem remains unresolved. Let’s take the example of a difficult work project. At first everything is fine and calm: it seems to you that there is a lot of time, you can be distracted by social networks and think about everything tomorrow. But every day the tension grows, because the deadlines are approaching and you haven’t done anything yet.
Thus, the coping strategy of avoidance slowly but surely turns problems into a huge snowball that causes even more stress and worsens your well-being. Research showthat people who use avoidant coping strategies are less happy and healthy and more likely to experience anxiety and depression.
It lowers self-esteem
When a person regularly avoids problems and responsibilities, he may develop feelings of guilt and shame due to the fact that he is unable to fulfill his responsibilities and is marking time. As a result falls self-esteem and negative attitudes appear, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t handle it.”
Because the underlying causes of problems are not addressed, a person caught in a cycle of avoidance often fails to fulfill commitments and experiences complications in a variety of areas, including career, health, and personal life. This further reduces self-esteem and undermines self-esteem.
How to reverse the avoidance coping strategy
Set a goal
Think about what you want to achieve and then the first three steps you need to take to get there. For example, if you want to start running, the actions will be as follows: buy sneakers and sportswear, plan a route near your home, make a jogging schedule.
Identify obstacles
Write down what exactly is stopping you from taking each of these three steps using templates “I need…before I can…” or “I can not now…”. For example:
- “I need the perfect pair of running shoes before I can run.”
- “I can’t start running until I find a good route.”
- “I can’t start running until I have time to create a training schedule.”
Don’t worry if you come up with too many of these phrases. The bigger, the better.
Turn obstacles into opportunities
This is the key to breaking the cycle of avoidance. You need to change the language so that your rationale for inaction becomes a statement of opportunity. It looks like this: “All I need is… and I can start…”. For example: “All I need is to buy running shoes from the nearest store and I can start running today.”
The power of an opportunity statement is that it shows how to take the first step. You don’t have to have a detailed plan to take action, you just need to start moving forward. The first obstacle usually turns out to be an illusion, and once you take on the issue, you will understand what to do next.
What to do if you can’t cope on your own
If you’ve tried several times with no results, or if the cycle of avoidance is causing you anxiety and makes you feel so depressed that it interferes with your daily life, you may want to see a psychologist.
Perhaps the reason is related to the peculiarities of the mental and emotional state, which means that the help of a professional is required. He will find out why you turn to avoidance coping strategies and find better ways for you to effectively cope with problems and respond to sources of stress.
Work on your thinking 🧐