The behavior and words of older relatives can cause irritation and even become a reason for conflict. If your relationship with your parents is important to you and you don’t want to lose it, you can try to smooth out the corners and find compromises. Let’s figure out how to do this for the premiere of the new TNT series “Cyberdad”
Find out where your personal boundaries are now.
It may turn out that the triggers to which you reacted violently before are no longer so catchy. For example, my mother’s comments about the mess, which infuriated me at school, became less of a concern after moving into my own apartment, because there was no longer any need to divide the common territory. Plus, the attitude towards cleaning could change with age, and my mother’s concern for cleanliness could become a little more understandable.
It also happens the other way around – triggers appear when a person has already grown up and separated. For example, unannounced visits from parents do not seem to harm anyone, but they leave you feeling annoyed and feeling that your privacy is not respected. When you clearly you’ll understand, what and why really upsets you, it will be easier to set rules in communication. It is better to identify points that cause tension in a calm environment – this way there will be less chance of saying too much and turning a disagreement into an open conflict.
The main thing is not to forget about the importance of your own mental comfort. If conversations with loved ones are painful, and your relatives are not ready to listen and meet you halfway, it may be better to reduce communication to a minimum.
Try to see your parents as allies
Image: kryzhov / Shutterstock
There may be a million reasons for conflicts, but, as a rule, all of them come down to different ideas of fathers and children about how to live “correctly.” To make it easier, try to pay attention not to the differences, but to the points of contact. Focus on what character traits of your loved ones appeal to you, and note situations when your parents were on your side in word or deed. Perhaps your mother does not share the methods of raising her grandchildren, but at the same time she is happy to take the children for the summer so that you can relax. And my father does not approve of financial habits, but never refuses help if money is needed.
It would be useful to offer help on your part, even if you disagree on something. This will help you avoid focusing on the negative and remember that you and your parents are allies, not enemies.
The series “Cyberdad” The plot centers on welder Ignat, who, by an absurd accident, was fired from the factory. His stepson, gamer Sanya, invites his stepfather to participate in an eSports tournament with a prize of two million rubles.
Image: still from the series “Cyberdaddy”
Ignat agrees not only because of the money: he wants to improve his relationship with the child. The hero ends up on a team where everyone considers him a “meme guy,” and begins to get to know the life of teenagers from the inside.
Extinguish the flaring conflict, if possible.
Sometimes the contradictions are so serious that defend your beliefs are necessary. For example, when the behavior of your relatives affects your daily life: study, work, relationships with your partner. But if mom and dad’s point of view doesn’t generally affect your own routine, it makes sense to avoid conflict situations. Especially when discussing abstract things like religion and politics. Disagreement on such issues is one of the most common reasonswhy adults completely stop communicating with their parents.
There are different ways to get around sharp corners. Sometimes a joke will help, sometimes switching attention to a safer subject of conversation. For example, if you feel that the older generation is again starting to put pressure on the “frivolity” of freelancing, gently stop your parents and share your plans for the next vacation. Sometimes one simple phrase can extinguish a conflict: “Please, let’s not quarrel and talk about something else.”
Listen more and fill the pauses with safe information
Experts considerthat parents often need communication more than adult children themselves. Some experience separation for a long time and painfully, are anxious from the unknown and are annoyed that they have ceased to actively participate in the life of the child. And then they try to compensate for this with constant calls, questions and advice – they can give them tactlessly, which can ultimately lead to a quarrel.
If you feel that this is your case, try calling and visiting your family more often. Actively and involvedly listen to their news and tell them about your life what might make mom and dad happy. A new interesting project at work, the success of your grandchildren at school, a profitable purchase – all this will fill the information vacuum and relieve your parents of the need to constantly monitor you.
Speak correctly
Image: fizkes/Shutterstock
This is the basic rule of any communication, and it also works in tense communication with parents. If something in a conversation offends you, try to convey your point of view as environmentally friendly as the situation allows. Here are a few techniquesthat will help with this:
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Start with positive reinforcement. “Your opinion is interesting, and I respect it. However, it seems to me that…” the conversation will go easier if you indicate a peaceful position at the start.
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Try to use “I” statements. Convey your vision through the emotions and feelings that the problematic issue evokes in you personally. “You don’t respect me” is an accusation. “I’m offended when you say that” is a constructive statement.
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Separate the personality from the problem. You may not like an opinion, but this does not mean that the person who expressed it is bad. Criticize only the actions and facts, not the parents themselves.
Sometimes reasonable compromises help defuse the situation. Let’s say mom and dad are against your trip to an exotic country and are too insistent in suggesting you relax at the dacha. Promise that you will get the necessary vaccinations, take out insurance, call them and send them photos – you probably already planned to do this.
Don’t forget that parents are also living this life for the first time.
And they also have the right to an opinion. They don’t have to agree with you, and you don’t have to agree with them. Parents may be going through difficult times, experiencing difficulties at work, struggling with personal crises and experiencing losses.
In addition, older generations are often skeptical about tools that would allow them to sort out difficult feelings and build healthy relationships with their children. For example, according to polls, students and young people in Russia perceive psychological help from specialists more freely and are ready to seek it. While for people over 45–50 years old, especially men, this is still a problem. Forbearance, involvement and attention to each other’s emotional state can make the atmosphere in the family warmer.
Series “Cyberdad“is a driving, but at the same time very sincere and funny story about the relationship between fathers and children in the modern world. Viewers can expect a lot of humor, built on the contrast of different worlds: poor and rich, adults and teenagers, professional e-sportsmen and an ordinary welder.
Image: still from the series “Cyberdaddy”
The cast will delight lovers of Russian cinema – the main roles are played by Alexander Robak, Yulia Peresild, Margarita Abroskina, Timofey Kochnev and other famous actors. Premiere “Cyberdads“took place on April 8 on the TNT channel. New episodes will be released there from Monday to Thursday at 20:00. In addition, the series can be watched in the online cinema. PREMIER.