What do people experience in exile?
People move to other countries for different reasons and experience it differently. But most expats go through the same stages regardless of whether they had been preparing to leave for years or left urgently in a couple of days. Although, of course, the difficulties they face affect their condition.
1. Euphoria, or honeymoon
This stage brings mostly positive feelings. The person in it experiences approximately the same sensations as on vacation. He discovers new places, food, and meets new people. Euphoria intensifies if something threatened the person in the country of origin, because now he feels safe. Plus, you can exhale after all the worries preceding the move: collecting documents, buying tickets… Finally, you can relax and say to yourself: “I did it!”
For now, this is akin to tourism, which is advised not to be confused with emigration. But then comes the next stage.
2. Disappointment or frustration
The transition to the next period doesn’t feel like someone flipped a switch. Everything happens gradually: a person begins to feel discomfort here and there. For example, the medicine he brought with him runs out. At home he would simply go to the pharmacy. But in a new country, the route becomes longer because you first need to go to the doctor to get a prescription and encounter the local health care system, which is incomprehensible and unusual. Before that, you need to resolve the issue with insurance or be prepared to pay for the visit.
Solving many everyday issues that were background at home requires more time and effort.
Living in a different cultural environment is not easy, especially if your knowledge of the language is not at a high level. It is not clear what people are saying around you, and there is a feeling of alienation. Here a person may encounter a longing for familiar products, personal communication with loved ones, and so on.
As a result, he increasingly feels irritation, anger, fatigue, anxiety, apathy, and has doubts about the correctness of his decision. Taken together, this can lead to depression, but of course not everyone will experience it.
At this stage, circumstances force one to compare the new country with the previous one. A feeling of nostalgia arises; the homeland is perceived through rose-colored glasses. In contrast, a person sees the advantages of a previous life and the disadvantages of the current one, so he may want to return. Someone actually does this (however, in their homeland they will have to go through the same stages, because during their absence there everything has changed). The rest reach a crisis point and move on to the next stage.
3. Adaptation or adaptation
Nothing lasts forever. Gradually, a person masters the language and establishes routines. Going to the doctor for the twentieth time is not as scary as the first. The stores have been studied, and it turns out that you can easily find familiar products there. The person already knows the city well and finds his way around easily. He accumulates acquaintances, so that the feeling of loneliness gradually recedes.
This is a period of active activity. The sooner a person starts it, the faster he will go through the stage of disappointment.
4. Acceptance
The person has adapted and gotten used to his life. He sees a new country with its advantages and disadvantages. Routine processes no longer cause panic or discomfort; they are streamlined in the same way as in the country of origin.
At the same time, a person can position himself in relation to the new country in different ways. Someone chooses to forget their old self and create a new personality that has nothing in common with the previous country. Someone, on the contrary, gets stuck in the state in which they emigrated. Typically, such people do not learn the language, do not communicate with locals, and do not get acquainted with the culture of the new country. However, the connection with the homeland is also lost – in their heads it is preserved in the state at the time of departure. A striking example is the inhabitants of the Brighton Beach area in New York.
The most successful strategy is to preserve oneself but integrate into the local culture.
Does an emigrant necessarily go through these stages?
No, a lot depends on the circumstances. For example, if a person did not plan to move, but was forced to do so, he may not experience euphoria. Emigration will be felt as an acute loss of a past life, so he is more likely to move straight to disappointment.
In addition, the duration of the stages often varies. The frustration stage can be blurred or almost imperceptible if the starting conditions are good for adaptation. For example, a person has been to the country many times before, knows the language, has friends there and has enough money to ensure a comfortable existence for himself. It will also be easier if the emigrant did not move to anywhere, but with a job offer, and the company has a well-established process for helping such employees.
Plus, personal qualities cannot be discounted. Some people are more prone to sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and prone to fears. And there are active people who, it seems, could quickly adapt even in hell, change the boiler to a more comfortable one and within a week shake hands with all the devils in the area.
How to ease the path from euphoria to acceptance
Reduce your demands on yourself
Getting behind yourself is an important skill. When you emigrate, you will face new challenges that will require additional resources. From time to time you will be overcome by sadness, anxiety and other unpleasant feelings. Therefore, it is quite normal if you cannot cope with the same volume of tasks.
Tasks should be prioritized. For example, it is important to continue doing what generates income, provide yourself with a roof over your head, and resolve issues with documents on time. If you don’t spend every weekend on an excursion to the suburbs, but spend it at home with Netflix, that’s okay. Give yourself space to recover. Allow yourself to be sad, because this is a logical and expected feeling after you have uprooted yourself from your usual soil. All the emotions you experience are normal. These feelings and difficulties are not forever, it will be easier in the future.
Your life is not equal to problems that need to be solved. Although it is sometimes difficult to find time to breathe out and be happy about something, it is necessary to do so. Remember what made you happy before moving, and do it periodically. Become your own parent who knows how to please and care.
For inspiration 🌱
Set up routines
When you are in an unfamiliar environment, it is the familiar that allows you to ground yourself and not feel lost. If possible, continue to do in new conditions what you did before. Make a schedule that includes your usual activities. If you used to do yoga before breakfast, set aside time for this. We went for a walk after dinner, continue. This will help reduce anxiety.
Physical activity in general is good for maintaining mental balance, as stimulates production of endorphins and reduces stress levels. It is not necessary to set sports records, the same walk will be enough.
Learn a language
The faster you can communicate in the local language, the easier it will be for you. This makes it easier to solve everyday problems, and new acquaintances will help you cope with loneliness and feel like part of a community.
Remember that you don’t need to know a language perfectly to communicate in it. For simple conversations, basic phrases are enough. Don’t be afraid that you will make a mistake and look ridiculous. It is normal to make mistakes in the learning process, and language is a communication tool. If the interlocutor understands you, then communication has taken place, and this is a success.
Stay in a decent area
Of course, a lot depends on your income. But if you have a choice, it’s better to choose a good area. It seems that it sounds obvious. But in reality, many people prefer to rent cheaper apartments. The solution seems rational to them – this way they can spend less in an unpredictability of the future.
It is reasonable. But it’s still better not to save on housing. In all countries, society is heterogeneous, and your neighbors will determine which part of it you assimilate into. Obviously, an area where drugs are sold on every corner in the middle of the day will bring you less pleasant encounters. And in general, the level of anxiety will increase if it is scary to walk down the street, and if your apartment may be broken into at night.
Take care of your health
Going to doctors is usually not very pleasant. And when a language barrier arises between you, this may become a reason to completely postpone a visit to the doctor indefinitely. But the analogy with a car works here. If you ignore a long-burning light that indicates a malfunction, you can gradually bring the car to a state where repairs will be too expensive or impossible. You can only buy a new car, but not a body.
It’s better not to run 👩⚕️
Be curious
The ability to perceive life as an adventure makes it very easy. For example, you miss cottage cheese, which is not available in local stores. You can perceive its absence as torture, or go on an adventure and look for the product in a nearby area. Of course, it won’t always be possible to do this. It’s difficult to consider the tenth visit to the bank where you need to open an account exciting. But overall the concept of being open to new things helps.
Keep old connections
Thanks to the Internet, you can communicate with family and friends as much as you want. Take this opportunity to feel supported, laugh and remember that a new round of your biography is just part of your life, and you have not lost much that is important.
You may find yourself wanting to call people more often or bombard them with voicemails when you previously only communicated via text. This is normal, because in an unusual situation you may need more support. Ask your family and friends if it’s okay for them to interact in this new format. And if yes, don’t deny yourself anything. Send voice and video messages, organize online parties, blog more actively – all are good ways to feel connected with the people you care about.
If you went through the experience of emigration, what helped you adapt and not be depressed? Share your experience in comments.
For those who have emigrated or are just planning ✈️