36 ways to make your partner always feel wanted

Why is it important for us to feel welcome?

A variety of things help fill your sex life with passion and fun – from toys to unusual practices. But foreplay begins long before sex itself. The ground for it is prepared by seemingly simple things: laughter, hugs, compliments, confessions and revelations.

Tammy Nelson, author of The Sex You’ve Dreamed About, calls it all “anticipatory eroticism.” It consists of time, attention, affection and only then sex. These are the four elements from which the connection between partners is built and which ultimately determine the quality of sexual intimacy.

According to Tammy Nelson, we should distinguish between arousal and desire: the former arises in our body, the latter in our head. In many cases, arousal can precede desire, and if we want to have sex on Saturday, we need to start preparing on Wednesday.

And while everyone’s intimate needs are different, research shows that it’s important for both women and men to feel wanted. Experts interviewed more than 600 heterosexual women and came to the conclusion that three main factors make them experience sexual desire:

1. Intimacy (moments of closeness and expressions of feelings).
2. Acceptance of differences (a man admires a woman because she is different from him).
3. Recognition as an object of desire (a woman wants to be desired).

According to another research, which featured 300 heterosexual volunteers from Reddit, 95% of men believe that feeling desired is an important part of sex. And 88% believe their partners could do more to help them feel this way.

How to Help Your Partner Feel Desired

It is important to always show your affection for your partner and spend time with him. If you are constantly busy, specially set dates and arrange dates in order to have each other’s undivided attention, give free rein to tender feelings and compensate for the lack of intimacy. But also try to devote time every day to little things that contribute to the emergence of desire. Here’s what you can do for this:

1. Kiss. Just like at the very beginning of a relationship, when you just met and almost exploded with anticipation. Remind yourself of who you were then and how much you wanted to touch lips. Kisses too cause the release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, which make us feel more connected to our partner.
2. Say “thank you.” And as specific as possible. For example: “Thank you for helping get the children ready for school in the morning. I couldn’t have done it without you.” True gratitude is about noticing another person’s efforts and sharing your feelings. This helps develop emotional intimacy.
3. React to small victories. It doesn’t matter what your partner did: help a child draw a beautiful picture, make a small breakthrough at work, or patiently communicate with other parents on the playground – be happy for him.
4. Maintain eye contact. It promotes intimacy and trust in relationships.
5. Listen when your partner talks about what he likes. Better yet, ask him to talk about his hobbies. When a loved one wants to be a part of something we’re passionate about, we feel validated. It is an important component of emotional security and intimacy.
6. Embrace. Minimum 10 seconds. This enough to release oxytocin, the “feel-good hormone.”
7. Cook food together. Turn on some nice music. Pour a glass of wine. Feed each other if you don’t mind playing with food. Play the fool. This will help you feel like a team and relieve stress.
8. Flirt. Gently touch your partner during conversations, wink at him when meeting him, give playful compliments, or use any other signs of attention that will make the person understand that you are still interested in him.
9. Do massage. No sexual connotation. Simply massage your partner’s shoulders while watching TV, or your back while cuddling. It is both sensual and helps relieve tension.
10. Laugh. Share memes, tell jokes or funny life stories.
11. Talk about what kind of partner’s behavior you consider sexy. Maybe the way he wrinkles his nose when he laughs, or the way he answers work calls turns you on. Tell him about it directly: “It’s so sexy when you…”
12. Plan. Where to go on a date. What to cook for dinner. How to spend your vacation. Expectation and variety are key components of a healthy relationship.
13. Be interested in your partner’s dreams for the future. And discuss together how to implement them.
14. Send sex messages. Not just an eggplant or peach emoji, but something truly sensual. This will awaken sexuality and bring novelty to everyday correspondence.
15. Do what your partner likes, even if you don’t care about it. Watch his stupid favorite show or do yoga with him and don’t nag.
16. Listen to complaints. When something bothers us, it is difficult for us to feel sexy. So set aside, for example, 15 minutes a day to give your partner the opportunity to speak. Don’t offer solutions to the problem. Just listen and support.
17. Motivate. Always be your partner’s biggest supporter whenever you can. Research showthat support from a loved one increases our chances of achieving our goals.
18. Give each other space. Agree on how to distribute responsibilities and create a schedule so that each of you has the opportunity to spend time alone. This is important for feeling sexy.
19. Have unusual dates. Wear something your partner likes, even if it’s just a T-shirt. Book a table at the restaurant and start with champagne dessert. If you can’t go to a restaurant, organize a fancy dinner at home. Do everything you can to make your loved one feel worthy of special treatment.
20. Tell your partner when someone pays attention to him or looks after him. Anyone likes to know that they are still attractive.
21. Reminding us of our turbulent past together. For example: “Remember how we did this when…” Memories of sexual adventures rediscover our more liberated side and let our partner know that he still excites us.
22. To compliment. About how smart and patient he is, how funny he jokes and how beautiful he looks today. Try to be specific and note more than just his appearance, so that your partner knows that you see and appreciate different facets of his personality.
23. Show attention to people. Forget about others and don’t be afraid to show your partner your affection. Of course, in a manner that is comfortable for you: for some it is acceptable to just hold hands, while others are ready to kiss passionately anywhere and everywhere.
24. Praise your partner in front of friends and relatives. Talk about how attentive and caring he is or how good a parent he is.
25. Take your partner’s side. Not all the time, but when it really matters. For example, during family conflicts or disputes at a parent-teacher meeting at school. There is nothing better than knowing that you and your partner are on the same side.
26. Touch without any hint of sex. Put your hand on your partner’s shoulder, hug him around the waist, squeeze his knee in the cinema hall.
27. Go to master classes. Or look for lessons on the Internet that will help you learn something new together: drawing, baking bread, archery. When we learn skills with a partner, we gain confidence that extends to other areas of life. Research showthat couples who find empowering hobbies together have sex more often and have more fun.
28. Share fantasies. Even the most daring and strange ones. And motivate your partner to do the same.
29. Buy your partner something sexy. For example, lingerie or an outfit for role-playing games. Yes, it’s corny. But there is a benefit to this: when we feel sexy, our self-esteem increases.
30. Stay curious. It’s easy to assume that you already know everything about your partner, but this is usually not the case. Ask questions and listen to the answers with full attention.
31. Act like you’re still dating. Try to impress your partner, joke and make an effort that he wanted you the same way as at the very beginning of the relationship. It can feel damn good to feel like someone is after you.
32. Learn to argue. This means using “I” phrases, not getting defensive, not bringing up past grievances, not avoiding sensitive topics, and knowing when to stop. Couples who don’t ignore problems and know how to resolve conflicts constructively end up happier.
33. Be vulnerable. Share your fears and valuable memories with your partner. Open up your inner world for him.
34. Play sports together. Or at least go for walks. During physical activity stand out endorphins are “happiness hormones” that strengthen the relationship with a partner.
35. Create a special atmosphere. Turn off the lights and light the candles. Sit next to each other, relax and just have a heart-to-heart talk.
36. Put your partner first. If possible, respond to his messages immediately and always answer the phone when he calls. Do everything to make your loved one understand that he occupies an important place in your life.